with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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