I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
