She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
