matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
