in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
