Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I could make wine with my vomit
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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