There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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