No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
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