take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
