Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
