My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize