Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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