The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
