they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
