Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
