I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
