He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
