I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize