The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
