Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Randomize
