onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
