Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
