Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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