it hurts more in the daytime
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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