I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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