I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
