You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
