there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
