Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
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