It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
