You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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