Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
