Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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