Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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