he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
