i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
