pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
