everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
