I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
