I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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