I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
