I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
