if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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