I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
