It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
