I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
