Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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