A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
