i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
