i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
