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Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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