he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
