i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize