oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
