Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
