I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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