Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
The power of my boobs compel you
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
