Hey man sorry I got all grabby
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
