I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
i need some magic done to my vagina
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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