I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Randomize
