i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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