Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize