When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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