I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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