things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
