I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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