yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
