He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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