I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
high people should be assigned attendants
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
