over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
