You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
