So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
