winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
