fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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