paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
