we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
