I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Randomize
