If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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