I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
