cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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