so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
