Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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