you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Randomize
