dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
