sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
