I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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