so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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