I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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