I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
