That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
