I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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