Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
