I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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