...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
