i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
