By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
