i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
