I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You are the jesus of drinking
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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