70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
