today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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