he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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