i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
