a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
