Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
