We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
