i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
