The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I wish I only lived at night.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
