Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I am midnight drunk by noon
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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