the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
