Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize