Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Randomize