I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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