I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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