Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
