he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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